Argue for your limitations and sure enough they are yours. Richard Bach.
It isn’t enough to have learned something. It’s who you have grown into and where you can do the most good with what you have learned that counts.
Keep on keeping on. People are waiting for you.
There is nothing in a caterpillar that tells you it is going to be a butterfly. Buckmaster Fuller.
I have felt for the longest while, as I continue to add on the years, central to my way of thinking is that the idea of self-concept is best defined as an organized, consistent set of perceptions and beliefs about how we really are as a person.
That said, life isn’t static. We are living in a time of enormous economic and social pressure and unease. The shadow of apprehension, disenchantment and negativity conflicts with the bright lights of hope, amazing discoveries and new opportunities.
We know we must adapt to change but many of us have difficulty doing so. Even when presented with a seemingly endless array of logical arguments and data that should convince us, still we don’t.
1. We are trapped in a box, a paradigm filled with a countless number of rules, assumptions, regulations, beliefs, experiences and strictly prescribed ways we have come to believe hold the keys to personal and professional growth and success.
Taken together, they become our personal software operating system. To change them is to court failure. We don’t ask questions from inside the box. We don’t just believe that all the answers lie inside, we believe the box itself is the answer.
Armed with that certitude, our habits and thoughts become locked in. Our inquiring mind slowly withers away. We become emotionally and intellectually closed to the outside.
We join the silent majority and so lose the ability to be spontaneous and different. Deep in our hearts we know we that we are living a lie but are afraid to say so.
2. The second reason concerns our ego. Each of us has a unique personality and an ego that competes with our soul for the general direction of our life paths.
Our ego’s job is to protect us and make sure we stay on track. Our unique ego is constantly competing with other unique egos in a zero sum, “I win, you lose” adversarial game. It is always seeking dominance and control. There is no give and take. The ego is about having it all.
The soul side, on the other hand, is at direct odds with your ego. It is a kinder. more human side, professing a caring view that advocates love, consideration, sharing and being fair to others.
If you are primarily identified with a centre of interest in your life, to the exclusion of others – your work, for example, your possessions or your place in society, you are allowing your ego to be the driving force that determines your every move.
If you are attached, though, to always being right or always needing someone or somebody in order to be at peace or to feel successful, you never feel a sense of contentment.
Tackling your ego-driven needs and your attachments isn’t easy. It takes your willingness to suspend disbelief, be vulnerable and admit past misadventures. It takes strength of character to take whatever actions are needed to address the issues and seek practical solutions.
When you do that, your view on life dramatically alters. Aware of other people and their needs and concerns, you become more compassionate. You stop objectifying people and become more human.
3. The third reason is the contradiction manifested in the conflicting values of society. We all claim to love one another, be truthful and considerate. Many claim to live that way. Indeed, all the great religions and faith based philosophies direct us to do so. A majority claim to follow a religion or an ancient wisdom and its attendant beliefs but these spiritual values hardly have a place in the real world of our political, social and economic practice.
While our spiritual values encourage and foster a greater good, our daily quest for power, personal success and the bounty of the “full life repudiate and make a mockery of those goals.
Thus we find our personal values in direct competition with the values of society. In the process we are condemned to live inauthentic lives at home and at work. The result of all of this is a stream of toxic energy that can easily alienate us from each other and from our work. Worse, it saddens the soul.
But like much in life, we do have a choice. If you can beat back your ego and keep in it check, to allow your soul to take the lead, or at the very least, to have an equal voice, you can add immensely to the flow of joy in your life.
It takes a lot of unlearning of what you have learned, and tough, self-critical introspection, but it is doable.
It all starts with acceptance, a quiet talk with yourself, the willingness to do the hard work and adapting to change.
If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more you are a leader. John Quincey Adams.
Leadership is something you can’t always describe in so many words but you can always tell a leader when you see one. There are many key factors or traits. If you want to be a leader, here are seven to get you started:
Be real.
Be bold.
Be open.
Be curious.
Be tenacious.
Be a teacher.
…. and be there for others.
Human beings, by changing the attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives. William James.
A few months ago, over dinner and a bottle of wine, a friend of mine, whom I had known for a long time, asked me a question that stopped me in my tracks. He said, “What’s your secret”?
He was referring to my work. It has been 17 years now since after much introspection, reading and studying, I slipped the bonds of convention and my successful, middle class life and started down a totally new path. Simply put, everything looked all right but it felt all wrong. I just knew I would have to rewrite the script.
In retrospect, I wouldn’t have had it any other way. To this day, my journey continues, coaching a select group of high achievers, speaking and writing. I have published two books, The Tug of the Kite and Life Without a Parachute and a third book is in the works. (More about that later). I have been blogging twice a week for nine years.
None of us are who we were when we first started out. Subject to the shifting currents of change, as we make our way through life, we all pass through a number of phases. We put on and take off each one, as Roger Houston so aptly stated in his book, Ten Poems To Open Your Heart, “Like taking off an old coat and putting on a new one,” as we keep searching for ways to live and work as closely to the beat of our own hearts as we can.
At some point, many inquiring minds find themselves at a point in their journey when they pause and wonder, do they stay the course or make a correction? Seeking to live life to the fullest and be the best they can, for themselves, their families and people who mean the most to them they are reaching up and outward but occasionally find that a fresh pair of eyes can often make a difference, especially when they come with a special blend of personal and business experience. That’s what this series is about.
In keeping with our time-starved, 24/7 world, this post is the first in a new series of articles I have decided to write to answer my friend’s question. Framed another way, what he was questioning, I think, is what do you have to do to stay inspired and stay fully engaged when you begin to think that you have been there and done that and yet sense there is much more up ahead?
Once a week, over the next few months, I’ll highlight, one by one, some of the key steps I took and share with you what I learned and experienced along the way. On alternate days, I will keep on writing and addressing a variety of subjects I think are relevant to living in the first quarter of the 21st. century.
I don’t have to tell you we are living in a very challenging time. Change is today’s currency. Disruption is omni present. Many of our old values and morals are in question. At the same time, on the positive side, driven by technology and invention, exciting new discoveries and opportunities are beckoning, waiting for those who dare to accept them.
If you have been consciously thinking about where your life is now, how you could kick it up a notch and where you would like to go next, my hope is that you will find this series helpful. If you know of others in your circle of influence who may be interested, please pass it along
So let’s get started.
The Need to Grow.
We all need to grow. Personal growth is as necessary as breathing. It is part of humankind’s DNA. You are wired to be curious, wanting to learn more, do more and be more. It isn’t the goals and aspirations, though, that count. It’s the action of striving to reach them that lies at the heart of the process of continual growth.
That’s because the action of striving is a creative activity. When you are growing, your are full of energy. One idea effortlessly flows into the another. Serendipitously, people and events come into your life just when you need them. The ensuring sense of accomplishment propels you ever farther along your path.
On the other hand, if you stop growing your life begins to diminish. You become stale, dull and uninteresting. Worst of all you start to lose your courage. You begin to doubt your own abilities and personal value, sometimes without even realizing it.
When that happens your horizons begin to narrow. Where there were always answers, there are now only more questions. Where there used to be joy, there is creeping despair. Where there was hope there is now only enervating doubt. Boredom raises its ugly head.
You become bereft of spirit and drained of energy. Cynicism sets in and you are frightened of losing it all. Fear rules the day and all your actions, your options diminish. Wait. It gets worse. The status quo settles in, snuffing out new ideas and original thinking, the very nub of innovation and absolutely critical to success in our information/knowledge age.
Here’s a question for you: Do you feel you have stopped growing? How would know? Have you stopped asking questions? Not open to other’s points of view? Unwilling to to accept new ideas and methods of doing things? Think the past was better than the future?
You’ve stopped growing. Sorry.
What happened, you wonder?
Fear has stepped in. Nothing like fear stops personal growth and any other kind of positive advancement dead in its tracks. As tough as it is, if you are unhappy with some aspect of your life and need to change it, at some point you have to get past the fear and take action to deal with whatever is holding you back, no matter how painful. You can’t move forward until you do.
This is where your courage comes in. It comes from from having an unswerving sense of belief in yourself. Courage counters fear. Getting over fear starts with you and you alone. All you can do is tackle it head on.
For starters, pause for a while. Begin by making a victory list. Write down all your accomplishments, the many places you have travelled, the amazing people you have met in your journey. Think of the times in the past when you have overcome adversity. Remember, you got past rough spots in the past and you can again.
Honour your heart. Once you have decided on the remedy, just jump right in and do it. Sure you will be tested but you’ll be saved overtime by a mental toughness that will create in your mind the clarity of direction to see you through.
Living isn’t always easy, but if you are up for the challenge, willing to expect the unexpected, have the courage and capacity to love and to believe the future will be better than the present, it is the greatest of all adventures. Go for it.
Life is very precious. The clock is ticking. Resolve today that you are going to commit or recommit to yourself. There isn’t a better time than today to plant new seeds.
See you here next week.
Drew.
YES. It’s OK to put your work out there.
YES. You’re capable of making a difference.
YES. It’s important.
YES. You can ignore your critics.
YES. Your bravery is worth it.
YES. People believe in you.
YES. You can do even better.
YES. This is a an opportunity and a responsibility.
There will always be a surplus of people eager to find fault, to criticize and urge caution, but your job right now is to reinforce the power of yes and put it out there anyway.
For more information, rates, or to set up a meeting:
Email drew@drewsimmie.com or call direct 416.450.8867.
